Pedistal broken...

So, I've just had a bit of a pedistal broken for me. One of the make up guru people I follow on youtube who is also planning on going into make up school was on blog tv, most of you probably know who I'm talking about. I had asked questions about whether there was a particular branch of make up she wanted to get into, what was she going to do once she finished school, was she going to just free lance or anything, and I really didn't get responses back. I got "I dont know" and then the attention was reverted to pickles and someone singing Bohemian Rhapsody in the chat. o.O
Now I am well aware that I am not in any way shape or form part of the youtube community. And when I start doing videos, it will probably continue that way, simply because I'm an outsider. There are so many people that do hauls, and tutorials, and reviews, that I don't see anything I do as anything special, but I hope to hit a cord with at least someone.

But enough of my disappointment. I really shouldn't be though, I dont have any reason to think that she'd give up any of her other conversations to talk to just me, but yeah, it was still a bit of a let down. I also think that one of my favorite people on youtube doesn't like me. I posted a comment on one of her videos, not meaning to be a smartass but looking back I can see how it would be taken that I was, and I feel really bad about it now. Then I watched her other channel, and she touched on a subject that I know about first hand and offered a suggestion, and she replied, and I sent her a long page worth of encouragement, and I'm able to post on her video's again, but yeah. I feel bad. I think I talk to much. Whenever I post on her videos I always leave a long comment, only really because I feel like "great haul!!!!1111oenoenoen" is like dumb to put, cause everyone says that. I just have a really big mouth with alot to say I suppose.

But I watch these people and a few of them I'd like to be friends with, not because I want anything from them, just because, I dont have very many friends who are into make up like I am, and some of them are down on my wanting to be a make up artist, they think i'm just being dumb. So if I had other people to talk to about it, like I have people here who actually read this, then maybe I would have enough courage to do more then I'm doing. =/

So my course of action is as follows;
My first free lance make up gig is coming up soon. I explained the situation in the blog post below this so I wont repeat myself, and once I do that, I'll get her pictures to put in my portfolio, and hopefully I can continue working with her, and get enough photo's together to put up on the net and get more work doing such. Unfortunately, since I don't drive legally down here, I'm at a disadvantage. But I'll have to figure something out.

Once I save up enough to go to school for this, I'm going to have to take a night job. Now T.A.G or the answer group down here has day and night shifts, if I could get the night shift there, and go to school during the day, then I'd be able to swing it that way, I'd find some way to make it work.

So as of right now, my main goal is to get practice in fantasy make up to become a make up artist for the Ren faire, and other L.a.r.p'ing things of that sort. Since i'm such a D&D geek it only seems fitting eh?

Thats another thing, where did my sister go today? With my nephew, and her lil family? THE REN FAIRE, you think she'd ask ME if I wanted to go? No of course not. *sigh* It would have been a great opportunity for me to ask questions from the cast of how one becomes a vendor to do stuff like that. But no. Once again, fate has denied me.
I'm sorry this post is so negative but I'm just so frustrated right now trying to figure out my situation and how I'm going to make my dream work out that I'm feeling very blah right now, and my lack of getting answers from someone I look up to just compacted it into a big box of meh. - -;; So I'm going to go brain storm summore and leave this post as is. I dont wanna hear flames about how I should know better, or how I really shouldn't expect someone to be nice to me just because I'm nice to them. Save that lecture for someone who cares. Thanks.